Surely if regular thefts go up even slightly, atom thefts simultaneously go through the freaking roof.

That’s the good thing about all this intellectual-property malarkey*: no atom theft is involved in music piracy.

* Please do not mistake this for an eagerness to talk about intellectual-property malarkey.

How can they tell? When the lead turns into gold?

Don’t think so, redpesto. Wouldn’t that be sub-atom theft?

Of course, the problem with electron theft is - until you nab the thief with the goods in custody he exists in a state of simultaneous criminality and non-criminality. It’s a lawyer’s field day!

But the electron thief, upon being apprehended, could quickly measure the momentum of his swag and then the cops could never tell if it was actually in his possession or not.

Downside: neither could he.

Upside: potential for tunneling.

you guys don’t want to hear how the guards get electrons into the prison system. seriously.

Despite Tom’s excellent point at #1, I’m intrigued by the idea of atom theft as a kind of reverse sorites paradox. If a thief comes along and steals one atom at a time of my laptop, at what point can I say he has stolen something of value to me? After all, there ought to be no point at which the removal of just one atom would render it useless.

I know they were doing some atom smashing ’round here, but I hear the thing broke down and there will be no smashing until next summer.

It broke down because someone stole the atoms?

- Don’t think so, redpesto. Wouldn’t that be sub-atom theft?

Curses - foiled again!

Steven: I think an electron thief would be charged.

possession is nine tenths of the law.
-but aren’t electrons nine tenths empty space?