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Unpleasant buffeting

Annals of advertising

Another pressing problem has been forever solved by James Dyson, inventor of groovy-looking vacuum cleaners (which do not actually clean vacuums?) and hand-driers. His company’s new product is a fan:

The Dyson Air Multiplier™ fan works very differently to conventional fans. It uses Air Multiplier™ technology to draw in air and amplify it 15 times, producing an uninterrupted stream of smooth air. With no blades or grill, it’s safe, easy to clean and doesn’t cause unpleasant buffeting.

I don’t know about you, but I have suffered numerous bouts of unpleasant buffeting, in dubious Chinese restaurants and hotels with substandard breakfasting materials. I must admit that I can’t see how such gastronomic frustration was caused by old-fashioned fans, but who am I to argue with an Air Multiplier™?

Meantime, you will soon be able to drink Coke in smaller cans. Says a Cokesperson:

Our new sleek mini can supports the idea of moderation and offers people yet another way to enjoy their favorite Coca-Cola beverage.

I am relieved that it “supports” only the idea of moderation, because the reality is really not tasty enough.

  1. 1  Tony Woolf  October 23, 2009, 9:37 am 

    The Dyson blurb does the usual thing of making statements that look impressive and can’t be proved wrong, because they are totally meaningless. What is meant by amplifying air? No doubt, it’s whatever Dyson chooses it to mean.

  2. 2  WIIIAI  October 23, 2009, 1:33 pm 

    As an American and therefore an expert on buffets, I can tell you that the only unpleasant buffet is one that runs out of bacon.

    See Mark Morford on the Coke mini.

  3. 3  richard  October 23, 2009, 3:02 pm 

    But “amplifying air,” is only meaningless in that it’s impossible – that is, it’s not strictly meaningless because it’s falsifiable (unlike colorless green ideas sleep furiously)? Because you would need to actually increase the amount of air?

    On the other hand, I see two other uses for “amplify” that might be useful here:
    – Archaic. to exaggerate.
    – to discourse at length; expatiate or expand one’s remarks, speech, etc: The preacher amplified on the theme of brotherly love.

    Of course, the traditional method for making air expand is by making it hot. Maybe that’s what Dyson means.

  4. 4  John Fallhammer  October 23, 2009, 3:34 pm 

    Well if you read the guff ( is the one I read), what he means is that it shifts a lot more air than is actually blown by the little fan hidden in the pillar, thanks to the magic of viscous shear drag (air sucking air, as it were). Whether it will actually be a useful gadget or not I can’t say, but it is a very nice bit of design.

    Of course it does have blades and a grill, they’re just not so obvious. As for the unpleasant buffeting, that’s what happens when you stick your finger into a conventional fan. (Or a school pencil, in which case the unpleasant buffeting is applied by Mr Wallis.)

    Small coke cans have been around for years, haven’t they?

  5. 5  John Fallhammer  October 23, 2009, 3:36 pm 


  6. 6  Steven  October 23, 2009, 4:25 pm 

    If only the fan had the inbuilt “grill” it boasts of not having, then it would be able to make the air hot, or let you make cheese on toast before cooling it to the appropriate eating temperature so that it doesn’t burn your palate?

  7. 7  john b  October 24, 2009, 11:05 am 

    …and presumably, the difficulty in reaching the right temperature is why so few buffets feature cheese and toast.

  8. 8  KB Player  October 24, 2009, 6:10 pm 

    groovy-looking vacuum cleaners (which do not actually clean vacuums?)

    And a steam roller doesn’t roll steam?

    And a steam train doesn’t train steam?

    Come to think of it, the hand drier doesn’t dry hands, at least not in my experience, as you always have to finish off by wiping your hands on your clothes.

  9. 9  Dan A  October 24, 2009, 8:01 pm 

    Ah, you must not have used the Dyson Airblade. It is really very good.

  10. 10  roger migently  October 24, 2009, 10:59 pm 

    I wish to note the worrying and insidious trend in these pages? It is the insinuation of what appears to be a semiotic cognate of the rising terminal? It “sounds” as if this column has been hijacked and occupied by Australian teenagers? Specifically Melburnians? Has Neighbours really managed the cultural colonisation of the rest of the world. Ick?

    In other news, an Australian lifestyle show promises 15 Australians that they can be the very first in the world to own one of the Dyson contraptions? Oh goodie?

  11. 11  Steven  October 24, 2009, 11:46 pm 

    Sorry about that mate?

  12. 12  lamentreat  November 4, 2009, 2:50 am 

    Dan@9, I second that. It’s startlingly better than the usual hand dryers. Honest, you’ll come out of the bog talking about it.

  13. 13  KB Player  November 7, 2009, 12:03 am 

    I tried the Dyson hand dryer this evening. It dried my hands quickly and efficiently though no more quickly and efficiently than a roller towel would have dried them. It also made a lot of noise..

  14. 14  richard  November 10, 2009, 6:37 pm 

    Wonderella discovers the Dyson air mover:

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