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Everyone pulls together

Proper politics

Glassy-eyed doughboy David Cameron, making repeated little chopping motions with his hand like a malfunctioning karate robot, last night gave his virgin speech as subprime minister.

I aim to form a proper and full coalition between the Conservatives and the Liberal Democrats.

He has long been very hot on the word proper, no doubt because its original Anglo-Norman sense was “belonging exclusively to one person, private, personal” (c.1130, from OED).

Real change is not what government can do on its own. Real change is when everyone pulls together, comes together […]

Everyone pulls together, comes together… Well, I am sure there have already been many satisfying rounds of the biscuit game between moist-lipped glottal-stopper David Cameron and his advisors at No 10, but in that case it seems rather unfair that a man should have been handcuffed in his own home for displaying a poster with the word “Wanker” emblazoned over a photograph of our new master?

I believe together we can provide that strong and stable government that our country needs, based on those values, rebuilding family, rebuilding community — and above all — rebuilding responsibility in our country.

So government can’t do much on its own, but one of the things it can do is rebuilding family? How exactly is this to be arranged? Will single mothers be compelled to marry men chosen for them by Conservative central office? Will childless British couples be forcibly gifted with infant asylum-seekers? What is the sort of self-admiring and materially comfortable “libertarian” who complacently supports the Conservatives supposed to make of this fantastic and pernicious nonsense?

Happy new ConLib régime, readers!

  1. 1  Stan  May 12, 2010, 10:25 am 

    Real change is when everyone civilly disobeys together.

  2. 2  Reen  May 12, 2010, 11:47 am 

    the £150 allowance will let all the married couples have a nice dinner and book into a Premier Inn for the night on their anniversary. That’ll keep a few marriages going, for a start!

  3. 3  des von bladet  May 12, 2010, 11:54 am 

    The only possible amusement value in the marriage tax allowance is if it re-energises campaigners for gay marriage to remark that civil partnerships aren’t actually good enough. #petitionsiwouldsign

  4. 4  Steven  May 12, 2010, 5:06 pm 

    NEWSFLASH:’s predicted phrase progressive partnership was just uttered — by David Cleggogg’s, to describe the new government. I lol’d?

  5. 5  Dan  May 12, 2010, 11:50 pm 

    Steven @4, well done.

    But yeah, this is pretty terrible. The joint speech today by the two was so hideous I had to stop watching it after 10 minutes.

  6. 6  Leinad  May 13, 2010, 11:42 am 

    So, good season of The Thick of It ahead?

  7. 7  BenSix  May 15, 2010, 11:02 pm 

    Mere “change” was enough for Obama. Nobody’s going to swallow that again, so “real“‘s been thrown into the mix. What next? New change?

  8. 8  democracy_grenade  May 15, 2010, 11:16 pm 

    “Cheer up; at least this isn’t Thailand”?

  9. 9  Adam  May 17, 2010, 9:26 am 

    That’s ‘ConDem’ regime, surely?

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